I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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