This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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