well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
