I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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