So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
