I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
