"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The best revenge is premature balding
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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