i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
