The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
