I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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