ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize