then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
