have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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