So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
