You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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