I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
