Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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