I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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