Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
