sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
