Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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