she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize