For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
