im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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