i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize