im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize