He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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