Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
