Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
