were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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