On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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