My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
