I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Randomize
