Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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