I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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