How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Im part way to drunk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
