well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Drunk is not a location!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
