Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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