so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize