so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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