I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
