wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
