Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
