so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
