i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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