Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
