I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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