So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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