Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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