I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize