I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
