Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I believe in your delicious
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
