Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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