Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
