Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
