These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
