the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Even my vagina gasped.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
