WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
