Buhtt sex?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
