I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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