i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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