Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
