someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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