I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
