and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
