I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
