What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
