in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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