I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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