my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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