Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
