You're completely useless in the revolution.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
